The Final Nail.... "A Baby"

I find it very interesting and paradoxical that - for me - the death of a potential relationship is at the announcement of a new life. Let me give you a hypothetical situation: If I am seeing a guy and he tells me that he has a baby/child/grown up child whatever - at an instant all feelings I have towards that guy would dissolve. Ok, so it's not hypothetical - i'm talking from experience.

This sprung to my attention this evening after I realised my first boyfriend now has a baby. The child is adorable - even looks like him (in a good way). However, what I also saw in the child's face was the last nail in the coffin in our already dead relationship (I haven't spoken to him in over 8 months and our relationship ended years ago - but heck, you can't help but hope with your first love).

Let me give you the reasons why I feel this way about such a situation.

First of all, call me old-fashioned but i would much prefer two things: 1. To have a good relationship with my husband and 2. To have a child within wedlock. Therefore, if any situation arises that may threaten these two statements I will back out without hesitation.

Let's break it down:

I like to call this situation the "Baby Mama" situation. There are at least four people involved.

1. The Girlfriend

2. The Boyfriend/Father

3. The Baby Mama

4. The Child

This is more than a triangular relationship. This is triangular with a vortex in the middle. Vortex being the child. Whether there is drama or good times it centers all around the innocent child.

If you are in the "Girlfriend" position and your man is not a wasteman - There is nothing you can do but accept that as the child is his child you are most likely to be second to this child. Particularly if it is his first born. He may not do it on purpose and he may even deny that he is doing it at all. However, I believe that in most cases he won't even know he is doing it - it just happens by default.

If you are in the "Boyfriend/Father" position - wow - it is a difficult decision to say the least. You love your child to peices - you'd die for him or her. However, at the same time the one person who you would die for their mother happens to be a pain in the backside by just her general presence. On top of that you have a girlfriend who you love also and don't want to displease. On the other hand, if you are single, you would just like to move on with your life (post-ex).

If you're the baby mum, be honest, it can't always be easy to see your ex move on no matter how much stress he causes you. Aside from that, he is the father of your child. Everytime you look at the child's face you see him. He's not that easy to forget.

Most of all the child in question must suffer all the bickering and backbiting between the adults - not good.

All in all it's a very sticky situation. Don't get me wrong - here I am giving a worst case scenario. Not all "Baby mum" relationships are like this. However, this worst case scenario is worth thinking about. I'm talking to the ladies here who are potentially the girlfriend that I talk about before- do you really see yourself taking on your man's child and bringing them up as your own? No jealousy? No rivalry? Nada? To me it seems that it takes a special kind of woman to venture on such a voyage and reach their destination successfully despite the rough waves. However, if you're like me and already know that the high winds and strong currents of such a turbulent situation could take you out - then get out! Before it takes you out! Is it selfish? Maybe.. but at least you're being honest and you're saving double the heartache that may be produced later if you were to get out at a later stage.

As I said before, personally, I wouldn't take things further with someone who already has a child. The potential stress and drama - *sighs* I just couldn't deal with it. Personally, I can't deal with someone with so much baggage. I want a clean slate. If there is anything on that slate I want to be the one to put something on it!!

If you've got this far and are still reading i'm sure you're wondering "how can I be so quick to judge such a situation?". Well, it's because my mum and I currently are "The Baby Mama and Child". Trust me the situation has been tense for the past 22 years! NOT WORTH IT!!